• Register
search
Log In

Marketers and biomedical scientist needed. Send your CV to [email protected] or call +233 501136056

Welcome to Askmeghana. You can discuss any issues bothering you. We are here to help you solve all your problems and get the correct information you seek. Join the happy community.


Welcome to the Community!

26.9k questions

25.5k answers

82k users

Hi... I just recently caught my boyfriend looking at porn... I feel really betrayed... at first he lied and then I finally got it out of him when I saw it was on everyday history on the computer I kept asking him... he finally admitted to it... but I can't get the thought out of my head that most of the sites were "adult" dating sites where you can look at porn and people naked... I don't know what to think and he just really does not get how bad it actually hurt me to find that stuff... he constantly jokes about it now... how do I get him to realize that it does hurt me..? Anything will help thank you
in Love and Relationship

3 Answers

0 votes
I'm sorry that you feel betrayed, but the fact is, for most guys porn is a fantasy. It's a bit like science fiction - you really get into the idea of it and it's got all the special effects, but it's not real.

You didn't say how often your BF looks at porn - if you just caught him 'looking' then I honestly think that you need to reevaluate your feelings of distress and betrayal.

Betrayed by what? A pneumatic surgically enhanced 20-something that performs sexual acts on demand with a buffed hugely endowed stud?

You must be aware that some guys get their stimulation from various visual sources - it's just one of those facts of life in our society, and most of the time it has no real bearing on the flesh and blood women they have relationships with.

Your BF is joking about it because he's probably trying to make light of your intense reaction. And, in reality, you may need to lighten up about it!

However, if your BF is on dating sites - then that's VERY different.
0 votes
Being in adult dating sites looking at porn and naked people, goes beyond anything remotely acceptable in a committed relationship in my opinion.

Think about what he is doing. If we consider sexting as an inappropriate relationship when it is with another person, not your significant other, then what does it say when he communicates with real people in real time, naked, while at the same time viewing porn, on a dating site.

This sounds like a frequent activity from your post, and his denial shows he would have rather kept it all a secret from you. Seems like an alternate life for this guy. He sure needs something outside the relationship, any idea why?

I would be trying to find out if it were me. How far has this gone- has he actually met up with any of the naked people he's met? Does he participate in sex talk and chat with these people? When did it start, and why did it take getting caught to stop- if he's stopped.

It is my opinion that this is not normal, not acceptable, and a totally selfish hobby, for a man to do while he is in a relationship. If he's single, I sure wouldn't date somebody like that, but to each his own. At least it wouldn't be electronic cheating if he were single.

I'd be questioning his character, motivations, and honesty to name a few. I would be very upset, and if the behaviour didn't stop pronto, I'd be gone.
0 votes
Looking at porn is NOT a betrayal.

Trolling a free to view dating site looking at naked pics... might be a slightly gray area... but not a betrayal.

If he registered at one of these sites... then its not so much grey, the lights are on.. but you really can't do much with a free account.

If he paid to register at any of those sites... then the alarms are going off.

There is no reason to be paying for a dating site with all the free porn that's out there unless more is going on.
...