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I am married to a Pakistani and its now 10 months since we are married and I'm still virgin. My husband always rejects me and don't try to have sex with me although I'm considered as beautifully and we married after too much love. He is sooo cold and not interested in my body the way other man are interested in their wives and the shocking thing is that he is fine rather happy with this situation and even asks for oral sex (of course me doing) in the time when I ask for a French kiss and he always refuses. My life has become sooo miserable and don't know what to do I even think that may be he is gay. Pleaaase tell me what to do I'm suffering a lot.
in Love and Relationship

3 Answers

0 votes
Ok, that leaves you plenty of options. You could seek marriage counseling. Hopefully he would agree to it. Knowing its not an arrainged marriage, he obviously was an active participant in the marriage and you did know each other before. You have to find out if it's a mental block, or what his reason for not wanting to consummate the marriage. If he feels he isn't ready for a child... there are condoms and other birth control. I seriously doubt he is completely clueless about sex.
0 votes
I agree with Smoothy. When I first read your post, I thought perhaps this was an arranged marriage. Now that you have indicated that it wasn't, well now I just feel sorry for you.

Let me ask you, how long were you two together before marriage?

Is remaining pure a belief of his?

While you two were daing before marriage, did he ever give You oral or even deep kissing for that matter?

I am just trying to figure out what the spark was before marriage and how he was treating you before.

Did he compliment your body before marriage?

Just a little more information will help me better understand your situation.

Thank you.
0 votes
The sad part in this as I see it, is that you are so dependent on him for everything in your life that you feel you have no control. You seek answers that only he can give and have no choices for the truth. Whatever his problem, stop being a slave to it as its more him, and his way to control, than it is you at all.

I would bet that you are isolated as well, and have no friends, or a social life other than with him, so you only know what he tells you. This is actually quite common for a control freak as denying you is part of controlling you.

The goal complete submission to him in every way. This happens in every culture, and has nothing at all to do with religion, but the fact he feels entitled to treat you this way. I don't know all his motives, but can only say that if you allow it without proper explanation, it will continue and get worse. I can predict if you press him for reasons his joking manner will become mean and threatening, and he will use your dependence to keep you in line or get sent home with nothing but shame for being a bad, disobedient wife.

Talking to his family is out, they are on his side, but a trusted female friend may help if you have one, but ultimately its you getting him to be honest that's the best solution, but have a care for your own safety, and welfare as I have no clue how far he will take things if you push to hard.

You do need facts of his true intentions though, so you can at least start understanding what's up with your guy. Pay attention to his goings, and comings, and friends, and be objective and not distracted by your personal feelings as your beauty has nothing to do with why he does what he does, except breaking your spirit to keep you away from others, he may fear can offer you more, I don't know.

Why have you not taken the steps to get more independent yourself, and be able to work where you are? Oh, I forgot, he probably doesn't want you to work. Are you allowed to pray with other females? Can you trust one of them to talk to??

Get some facts, but be careful.
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