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I have been with my girl friend for nearly 3 and a half years and we have not had sex. We started dating when we were 17 so I didn't really feel that her lack of sex drive was a problem so I gave her time. Maybe a year into the relationship I finally asked her to have sex and she said no, saying that she wasn't ready for it. I have been a patient person, I have given two more years to this time, repeating my question every month or so. A while ago I asked her for a reason for not wanting to have sex but she couldn't give me an answer. Again I tried recently but this time all I got was that she didn't like it.
It now seems to me that it is hopeless, I have tried everything I can think of to try to persuade her but still nothing but I don't want to break up with her. Can someone shine some light on the matter?
in Love and Relationship

2 Answers

0 votes
How can we shine light on this matter? It's something she is feeling and something she won't do. You need to direct this question towards her and if you really want an answer be persistent but be respectful. In the end it's her choice what is done with her body and you will respect that.

Breaking Up with her over this or even contemplating it shows how shallow someone is. Does she make you happy? Why the NEED for sex? Are you a virgin? Is she a virgin?

There are so many possibilities of why she says no and any advice given here is just a guess. Was she sexually assaulted, was a family member, friend? The likeliness of this behavior can derive from many many many things.
0 votes
It would be unfair to say that Sammy is putting pressure on her. After all, he has waited for three years. Three years is quite a while and he has been pretty patient.

There could be many reasons she hasn't made love to you or I should say have sex. What I don't understand is why she hasn't come out and given you a reason for it. I mean, it's not like she has only known you for a few months. You two have been together long enough that she should feel comfortable and giving you a reason, UNLESS she was abused, then maybe she is embarrassed or even ashamed.

I was 25 when I lost my virginity to my Husband. I did make him wait for a year before I was ready. He was a saint for that. When it finally did happen it was FANTASTIC! Ok, getting off subject.

I think that you should communicate all of this to her WITHOUT sounding demanding.

Hmmm, breaking up over this? I don't know. That's something only YOU can decide. I know it's hard (no pun intended) but you need to ask yourself this... Can you love this woman and accept her without sex in your life?

Personally if it were me, I don't think I could. Sex is very important to me in a relationship. For many reasons... It's a strong connection between two people who are in love. To be able to be as close as you can be, feel skin on skin, passion, lust, looking into each others eyes. It also releases stress, and let's be honest, it feel amazing.

K. Starting to turn myself on...

You get my point though.
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