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My boyfriend (30s) and I (20s) have known each other since July but after being with him I've found out that he's struggling financially now. I don't want to sound selfish or anything but I'm from a low-income home and the fact that he's financially struggling right now its just the biggest turn off to me. Ever since I was a kid I sacrificed my happiness for my mother because she was low on money. I basically had no childhood because of that. And now I'm going to school and working I thought it would be time for me to actually do things in my life and enjoy it. I just don't feel right with the whole situation. Money is something I stress about and I'm very picky on how I spend it just because of my childhood. I don't want to end up in the same boat as my mother years down the line when I'm in my 40s and the whole not having money thing just scares me to death. I support him of course but I'm getting fed up because now I'm not as secure as I used to because of him. He said he's not with me for my money but the thing is I don't have money. He said he's made a lot of mistakes in his life and that's why he's not stable right now. Am I just being selfish because I've always wanted to be successful in life and now that I'm with someone I like, I find out that he's building up his life now, trying to get the pieces together and that's a turn off to me. I don't know maybe I'm asking for too much but I don't know how long I can support him for and to tell the truth I have a lot going on right now and working towards my goal to be stable is just harder now that he's in the picture.
in Love and Relationship

2 Answers

0 votes
When you say that you're supporting him, do you mean financially or emotionally? If it's financially, then I can understand the resentment, and I'd even call you out as not being very practical. You've known him since July, so 3 months? No way that there's enough a commitment there for you to be financially supporting this guy. He's 30, he made his bed, let him lay in it.

Now, if you mean you're only supporting him emotionally, I don't see the problem. His lack of money has no effect on what you earn. Take care of yourself. It's not like you two are getting married and he's going to drag you down because he's not good with money.

Bottom line, you've known this guy 3 months tops. If you no longer like him because of his issues, than dump him and move on. It's not like you two have built a life together. Heck, at 3 months you barely know him.
0 votes
Maybe you just aren't ready to be in a serious relationship right now. With so much going on in your own life, and wanting to make sure that you are secure financially, perhaps that should be your focus right now, along with your education. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel safe financially, especially given your background. If the relationship causes too much stress, and also negative feelings towards him, then maybe it is time to be on your own for awhile longer.

What is he doing to turn things around for himself? You mentioned that he said he had made some mistakes in the past... has he learned from them? Is he working at doing better?
If you are looking for stability, and he isn't in a place in his life to help provide that for you, and unfortunately makes it even more difficult for you to attain that, then move on.

Sometimes timing is everything.