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...I am a 65 year old male who has been seeing an extremely attractive 65 year old woman that I dated when I was 18. We go out on Fridays and to some family functions but we have not had sex in the 9 months that we have been seeing each other. As she has related to me many times over, her two marriages and two "almost" relationships were abusive and since those failures consumed her life, she has lived alone, dates no one (but me) and after a life of misery, marriage is not in the future ever....but "we" can be 'us" without it (as in each living apart . She shows me off to family and friends. When we are together, she passionately kisses me but when it comes close to sex so far, she says "it's not the time." She seems to like revisiting her young wild binge days to me frequently and at other times will reverently proclaim that she is not proud of many things she has done in her life. She says she wanted to experience the way men treated women in reverse so I can only assume that she gave herself in many ways. I look at her and am overcome with lustful thoughts and can't imagine her restraining herself even though she is admittedly "a very sexual person". I would love to trust her when she says she doesn't see anybody but I guess I am very curious to know how it is that a woman this sensual and beautiful, has no lovers and keeps me at bay in a relationship that she calls committed. I have fallen in love with her and have expressed this to her. It is something she can't say but I feel she feels the same only is in FEAR of being hurt again so keeps us at a safe distance. I do worry that this relationship might be limited by the scars of the past... as she puts it, "don't over think it, let it take it's natural course" -- Male and Female friends say, "I dont care how beautiful she"...but I hate giving up and being defeated and I am addicted to her. Is it realistic to think that she is being truthful and saving it all for me?

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From what you say I don't believe that this woman is seeing someone else. If she does not hide you from her family and friends you are probably a very big part of her life. This is especially true if she has been in abusive relationships in the past because she is likely to have been isolated from friends and family. By bringing you into her life this way you must be very special to her.

However, even if she isn't seeing someone else, your relationship may not be easy. She may subconsciously treat you badly in order to 'test' you in comparison to her previous partners. She may be keeping you at bay because it is easier for her to deal with the 'ugly' side of coming out of an abusive relationship by herself.

It seems as though she has been clear with you on her expectations, i.e. not planning on getting married, so I would suggest that she may be unwilling to change. I'm sure she doesn't intend to be a time-waster or a player but there is a real chance that she may hurt you inadvertently by not being able to commit.

Bring her into your life, e.g. meeting your friends, as much as she feels comfortable but also maintain your independent life as well. This will take any pressure off her. You will have to decide whether what you have now is enough and, if yes, just let her know that whenever the time is right all she has to do is let you know.

If you want more it might be best to remain friends and find someone who can share your life more completely.

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